Sometimes I Fall to My Knees and Cry, But Still He is Faithful

I learned a lot this week.

This week we didn't have class because we were serving all the teams from the Fall schools that were on outreach (in Japan, the Middle East, Europe, and the US) that came back, meaning over 100 people back on base! So my classmates and I got to serve them all by picking up a few extra food prep duties, or cleaning duties, and got to feel kind of what it would be like to be on staff here at YWAM Orlando.

It was a great week, but also very challenging and I learned a lot about God's faithful and providing character. As most of you know, I'm still raising support for the rest of my training here, and so are my best friend Zoe, and my boyfriend Jonathyn. We all had a deadline of needing a certain amount of our "lecture phase" paid for by the 27th of February, and a couple weeks ago, God miraculously provided the $1,300 I needed through amazing friends and family whom God had placed it on their hearts to partner with me.

Jonathyn and Zoe however, still needed significant amounts in order to stay and continue our training and outreach. Between the two of them, they needed around $4,000 in one week. We prayed hard and I fell to my knees and bawled on several occasions, crying out to God for an increase of faith and for divine provision. I really wanted to believe He was going to provide, but it seemed impossible, and I wasn't seeing the money come in for Zoe or Jonathyn, and I couldn't imagine going through the rest of SOMD without them both.

Wednesday night I cried the hardest, I was gut honest with God that night, and it wasn't pretty either. I laid out all of my frustrations and doubts, and held out my hands to give everything to Him. I know You are good, Father. I know You are faithful and I know You love me, Jonathyn, and Zoe, oh so much. I know that works things out for the good of those who love You, and we do. And I know You have good, good plans for us, no matter what. I laid it all down and decided that even though I didn't know what would happen, or even if Zoe and Jonathyn would have to leave, that God was good and that He loved us.

Over the next few days Zoe saw all the money she needed for the 27th deadline, and Jonathyn saw over $750 come in! I couldn't believe it. Friday came, and Jonathyn still needed around $700 by the next morning. I was a roller coaster the whole day, thinking: God is totally going to provide, it's going to be amazing! one moment, and: I really hope Jonathyn gets to stay, I don't know what I'm going to do without him, the next. Sure enough, the next morning as Jonathyn and I were getting ready to spend the weekend with his parents, he got a $700 donation from some family friends. Exactly what he needed. I was speechless. It all came in, every last bit.

I'd like to say that over the last few months, watching God provide miraculously for my friends and I has taught me never to doubt his provision again, but I'm still learning. God definitely taught me a huge lesson this past week, and He continues and will continue to speak to me; Trust Me, I'm faithful, I know you and all of your needs, and even Your wants. I am a good Father, and I am capable of the impossible, and no circumstance can change that.

He really is good, and He really is faithful. And I'm making a choice to believe Him. It doesn't mean it won't be hard, or that I won't make mistakes; but I'm following Jesus WHOLE-heartly, not half, so I'm jumping in with both feet. Because He really is worth it all.

I am beyond thrilled to be on this journey of trusting the Lord, and I know He will continue to provide, it's in His character and He has called me to be here at this time and I want to invite you all into what God is doing here through partnering with me financially! I still need about $2,900 to fund the remaining 5 weeks of training as well as our two-month outreach! Every donation counts and is a HUGE blessing to me, I would love to have you on my team!

If you would like to donate you can click here. Payment for a student/SOMD/2016

If you would like to be apart of my prayer team and receiver weekly prayer requests and updates you can email me at sacree01@gmail.com and I will add you to my team!

When I'm Out Of My Element

This week has been crazy, but so amazing. God miraculously provided the $1,300 I needed for the February 27th deadline!!! (story to be posted soon), all the Fall students came back from their outreach (there is now about 200 people on base), and we had an awesome, fun, and eye-opening teaching. 

This week we learned about our different God-given personalities and how to relate and communicate effectively to each other by learning the strengths and challenges of our teammates' personality. As I was thinking and praying about what to write to you all, I realize how much I was challenged and inspired by this weeks teaching, so in this blog update I really want to give you guys a quick version of all the great teaching we received. :)

This week our teaching was on The Elements. The Elements test is a personality test and tool that relates different personality tendencies to the four elements: fire, wind, earth, and water. 

Fire is usually easily excited by challenge and risk. They seek tasks that give them options and allow them to control part of the process. They are decisive and passionate. Much like fire they are all-consuming, assertive, bold, and daring. These people are natural leaders and initiators.

Wind is strongly motivated by relationships, they love recognition, approval, and freedom to express themselves and their ideas. They love fun. Much like the element, winds are restless, spontaneous, quick to move, easily excitable, and like to see things and ideas in motion. The winds will be your biggest fan and they love to encourage and promote people, projects, and events. 

Earth loves details. They are structured, scheduled, and precise. They are well grounded and stable, extremely steady, which reminds us of the element of Earth. They thrive off of order and and accuracy and are extremely focused. They are great at getting things done and doing it right the first time.

Water is also motivated by people. They love to absorb, they strive for harmony and stability, but they are also very flexible and go-with-the-flow. They need time to reflect on new ideas or relationships and they often need to filter and process everything they absorb because they are extremely empathetic. They are easy-going, encouraging, and supportive. 

Our focus of this week's teaching was not only to identify our own "element" but to make note of and understand our teams' elements, so we can better communicate and work all together. We all will have the opportunity to speak to different churches and youth groups on outreach so we want to be able to speak to all personalities effectively. I loved this teaching because it is easy to understand (we are all familiar with the four elements) and it helps me understand and enjoy my personality (I'm a WIND) as well as know the strengths of the others and how they "fill-in" where sometimes my personality can be lacking. It's really beautiful to see how we all fit together. 

We also learned about the difference between the "comfort zone" and the "learning zone". The "comfort zone" is for resting, it's not where we do the most growth, even though it can be much more inviting than the "learning zone". The "learning zone" is where we grow the most because we are being stretched and strengthened. We learned that when we are in the learning process, it's normal to feel uncomfortable, especially when interacting with a different element personality, it's called creative tension. Discomfort and irritation can be a sign of growth! 

When someone with an opposite or different personality rubs you the wrong way, it really is an opportunity for strength. Most likely, where you are both "lacking" is either just an extreme of a strength or you have a weakness where they have a strength. An example of this would be that an extreme of being bold is that you can be impulsive, or an extreme of being loyal is that you can become complacent. If you have a weakness where they have a strength, it could look like a wind seeking fun and becoming overly spontaneous, and an earth being so predictable that they become boring, but they figure out a way of identifying strengths and weaknesses and working together!

On the last day of teaching we each made a small "poster" containing our personal dream, the spiritual gifts we have, our personality type, and what we bring to the team. It was so cool to see the 7 of us in my team come together and say "this is who God made me, and this is what I'm bringing to the team." We are all so different and I'm so excited to see how we are going to be able to work together in the giftings and personality that God gave each of us to work towards the same goal, representing the unity and love of Christ wherever we go. :) 

This blog post isn't super deep and introspective, nor does it have some crazy emotional story, but God doesn't always work in the big, crazy, and deep ways. He is also steadfast. He is the Almighty Creator, and He loves His creation. We are His craftsmanship, and He loves it when we work together in perfect unity, it blesses Him, and that is my goal. 

I wasn't sure at first what to share with you all about this week because there is always just so much going on in my heart and my mind each week. But I really hope that this post gives you a little more understanding and encourages you that even in the face of conflict, you are actually on the brink of amazing growth and unity. 

"Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace." Colossians 3:12-15

"There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord. God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us...the human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ." 1 Corinthians 12:4-6; 12 

I would love for you to be apart of how God is working in me and through me! I am so grateful to God for all of you, and that He provided OVER the $1,300 I needed before February 27th. He is so good! Now I only need a total of $2,900! (My original total was $5,790).

I am beyond thrilled to be on this journey of trusting the Lord, and I know He will continue to provide, it's in His character and He has called me to be here at this time and I want to invite you all into what God is doing here through partnering with me financially!

If you would like to donate you can click here. Payment for a student/SOMD/2016 I'm so excited to have you be apart of my team!

If you would like to be apart of my prayer team and receiver weekly prayer requests and updates you can email me at sacree01@gmail.com and I will add you to my team!

Thank you all so much!!!

To Be Healed and Whole, So They Can Be Healed and Whole

This week was a heavier one, but SO incredibly freeing after it's all said and done. This week our topic in class was "Healing of the Fractured Soul". We learned that although forgiveness is freedom from bitterness, sometimes there are still wounds that need healing.

We want to be people that can bring people into healing and freedom, so we first must be free and healed ourselves; you can't lead people into being healed and whole if you have never allowed Jesus to take you into a place of healing and wholeness. When situations or relationships don't turn out as we would've liked, when betrayal, lies, abandonment, and abuse occur - to whatever degree - there is now a wound. Forgiveness is the first step, enabling God to soften our hearts and give us the power to say "I forgive you"; it's an extremely freeing and healing thing to do, but sometimes we need further healing.

There are many ways that our spirits can be wounded. We can be deeply cut by something someone says to us, because words have extreme power. Sometimes we face traumatic experiences, even from our childhood that could still be wounding us, maybe there is deep loss or sorrow caused by either death or promises that weren't kept. Sometimes we have wounds that are self inflicted like drug or alcohol addiction or sexual sins; we have forgiven ourselves, but there is still a deep wound. And sometimes we are hurt by words or actions from leadership, even within the church, we forgive, yet we still hurt.

So what do we do with all these wounds? It's actually really simple. We ask for and receive healing from Jesus. We tell Him how we have been hurt, check our hearts for any bitterness or unforgiveness, and ask Him to completely heal our wound. Sounds too good to be true, hm? Well, the difficult part is the emotions.

Feelings and emotions were never meant to guide us, truth was meant to guide us and then we train our feelings to follow. Yet more often than not, we allow our emotions to tell us how we feel and what we are thinking and whether or not we will listen to truth. Feelings only have as much influence as we allow them, and we have to train them to follow the truth. Walking in the truth requires us to go against old emotions, and sometimes it's very hard, but it results in true freedom.

This really made sense to me. Because I've had hard situations, I've forgiven, and I've asked for healing, and I still feel hurt or sad or insert-terrible-emotion-here. Now I know that when the lies come, and the enemy tries to get me to feel those crippling insert-terrible-emotions, I can train my emotions by walking out and speaking out truth. So simple, yet so challenging, yet SO freeing. I really practical application of this that we practiced this week was writing down the lie (I am worthless), then writing out what God says (I have value and worth in His eyes) and then write down the scripture to back it up (Matt. 10:30-31-"...not a single sparrow can fall to the grow without your Heavenly Father knowing, and all the hairs on your head are numbered, so don't be afraid, you are for more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows).

Something else that our teacher said that really stuck with me was: "If you aren't free to be hurt again, you aren't actually free." Meaning that if I am still reserved or fearful of being hurt again, then I still need to do some work on those wounds, because I want to be a person who is completely open and vulnerable, without fear, so I can be most effective in people's lives and not let my fear stand in the way of how God could use me.

God really brought to me this week that I struggle with the fear of failure and the fear of what other people think, or "fear of man". I fear making mistakes, disappointing others, and not knowing things, even really little things! I have to constantly set my fear and pride aside even when my friends explain something to me that I didn't know before, like helpful nutrition facts. All the sudden I feel threatened and insignificant because I didn't know that overeating tomatoes can cause oil build-up in your pores and cause acne. How dare me, right? Definitely should've known that. Hah. It gets ridiculous. But this is not who I want to be!

I asked God to heal me of any wounds in my past so that I would not be afraid anymore of failing or of what others think, only what God thinks, because He doesn't attach His love for me with my performance. Oh how grateful I am for that! God has put it in each of us a yearning to be accepted, loved, and secure, yet so often we look to people or things to satisfy this soul thirst when God intended to fill it the whole time! HE is the only one who can perfectly accept us, love us, and make us secure.

My desire is to be open and broken so that God can take me into a place of healing, so I can be a healing agent to others. I want to be "free to hurt" so I can be completely available to work with God wherever He wants me and with whoever He wants me to, and that doesn't mean it won't hurt, it means that when it does I will expose the lies, seek and ask Jesus for supernatural healing, and train my emotions to follow the truth that I'm walking in. Freedom!

Oh what I would do to have 

The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in

Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone,

Into the realm of the unknown, where Jesus is

And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me

Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed

The waves they keep on telling me

Time and time again, "oh you'll never win, you'll never win!"

But the voice of Truth tells me a different story

The voice of Truth says "do not be afraid"

And the voice of Truth says "this is for My glory"

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of Truth

The stone was just the right size to put the giant on the ground

And the waves they don't seem so high on top of them looking down

I will soar with the wings of eagles

When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus singing over me

-"Voice of Truth", Casting Crowns

This is my prayer for all of us, that we would listen to the voice of Truth and walk in the fullness of healing and wholeness that He has for us. Hallelujah!

I would love for you to be apart of how God is working in me and through me! Right now I need $1,300 of my tuition money in by February 27th (in three weeks). I know God is going to provide everything I need, it's in His character and He has called me to be here at this time and I want to invite you all into what God is doing here through partnering with me financially. 

If you would like to donate you can click here. Payment for a student/SOMD/2016 I'm so excited to have you be apart of my team!

If you would like to be apart of my prayer team and receiver weekly prayer requests and updates you can email me at sacree01@gmail.com and I will add you to my team!

Thank you all so much!!!

I Will Take Back What the Enemy Has Stolen

This week we learned to dream BIG.

God has given all of us a dream and a calling. Before we were ever formed in our mother's womb, He knew why He was creating us!

He knew He needed people to bring the gospel to leaders, so He created people who have a passion for government. He knew that He would need someone to reach out to the artist and let them know about the Creator who so intricately wove them together, so He created a passion in His sons and daughters for art and music.

He knew He needed someone to bring back God's original design into the family, so He formed a dream in His kids to be a mother, a father, and a counselor to the broken and the lost and bring them in. He knew He would need people with a passion for sports, for the church, for communication, for medicine and health, for business, for education, so He created YOU with a dream.

"For this is how God loved the world: He gave His only Son, so that EVERYONE who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent His Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through Him." John 3:16-17

"For EVERYONE who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved. But how can they call on Him to save them unless they believe in Him? And how can they believe in Him if they have never heard about Him? And how can they hear about Him unless someone tells them? And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? That is why the scriptures say, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"  Romans 10:13-15

"And then [Jesus] told them, "Go into ALL the world and preach the Good News to EVERYONE." Mark 16:15

You guys. He created us all for a reason! The enemy prowls around looking for anything he can devour and destroy, and he has tried his best to take over government, education, family, science and medicine, arts and entertainment. He's even tried to take ground within the church! It's our time to take back what the enemy has stolen! It's not his, it's our Father's, and we need to take it back.

With the wind at our backs and in the strength of the LORD,

We will rise on the wings of the dawn.

We're gonna take back ALL the enemy has stolen.

It's in the blood of the One who's worthy

I know God has not forgotten all that's lost and broken,

So come and see the turning of the times!

Come and see His sons and daughters rise!

For how could He who did not spare His own Son,

Not freely give us victory against the darkest nights!

We're gonna take back all the enemy has stolen!

We're gonna plunder the pits of hell!

It's in the blood of the One who's worthy,

You're worthy.

-Take Back, by Will Reagan & United Pursuit Band

So here's how I'm going to taking it back, this is my dream: I am going to multiply and expand God's Kingdom by spreading the Good News about Jesus' love for them and their Creator God everywhere I go. I will see hundreds, thousands of people come to know the love of Jesus through my life, and I will disciple people all over the world in this area of worship, teaching them how God created this international, intentional, and intimate language of music and how they can use it as a powerful weapon against the enemy. 

I will disciple young girls and help them discover their identity as a daughter of the Most High God, as well as their calling and purpose on this earth! I will see kids be nurtured and loved and be given a safe place to call home through fostering, adoption, and working in safe homes in faraway countries. I am claiming these dreams as truth because I know they are God's dream given to me! He wants to see these things done too! He's the one who put it in me to do it! And I know God can do all these things and MORE in my lifetime. 

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." Ephesians 3:20

Now is the time to take back all the enemy has stolen in every area.

How are YOU going to take it back??

I would love for you to be apart of how God is working in me and through me! Right now I need $1,300 of my tuition money in by February 27th (in three weeks). I know God is going to provide everything I need, it's in His character and He has called me to be here at this time and I want to invite you all into what God is doing here through partnering with me financially. 

If you would like to donate you can click here. Payment for a student/SOMD/2016 I'm so excited to have you be apart of my team!

If you would like to be apart of my prayer team and receiver weekly prayer requests and updates you can email me at sacree01@gmail.com and I will add you to my team!

Thank you all so much!!!